Recently I have been thinking a lot about “women’s circles”. While I have never been really interested in them before, they have suddenly become important. I have never had a close circle of friends, usually it’s just 1 or 2 but I guess that’s normal for most introverts. There is also the fact that I rarely feel a bond with other women and generally feel that I have very little in common with them. About 8 years ago I started belly dancing, not only did it put me in touch with other women it has also put me more in touch with my goddess side. Hey…. this is a BIG deal for someone who doesn’t like “putting themselves out there” and who has spent a lifetime perfecting Greta Garbo’s “I want to be alone”.
When I turned 50 last year a part of me changed. Allowing my self to become involved in petty conflicts with others became a waste of my time, likewise the petty conflicts of friends with others. Now I do my best to get along , let things go and find at least one good thing in everyone. This is turn has made me see the women around me differently. They are no longer rivals, or people to avoid and I find myself reaching for the connection and enjoying the encounters more. For example, one of dance sisters and I had Jury Duty together and when neither one of were selected she invited me to lunch. We had a good time! Although I still have trouble initiating contact and it still surprises me when someone shows interest in me personally. Maybe I’m just weird……………….
So back to the women’s circles. I’ve been wondering what’s it’s like to actually be a part of one outside of the one for dance. Would it create some amazing friendships and a support network or would it be the same backbiting, Frenemy relationships that have kept me on the fringes in the past? I know what you’re going to say.. “You don’t know if you don’t try”, and you would be right. But the fact is that I’m not one to force myself on others nor has anyone really extended a hand and said “hey come join us”. This most likely has to do with the fact that I don’t get out much. I’m a caregiver to my mother, she’s 84 and my best friend. People don’t realize how much time is involved in caregiving. As a result I have been told that “you’re only interesting if you work outside the home, go to the gym or you involved in some community project.” Actually, I disagreed with this statement but as one of the “uninteresting” people who am I to say anything…..
I don’t really know where I am going with this women’s circle thing. But it’s been on my mind alot lately. It’s something I feel I need to experience not watch from the sidelines. Let’s call it a Bucket List item. After all…. isn’t that where we put the things that we have yet to try yet are important enough to consider?